As your first birthday approaches, all too quickly for me to handle by the way, I can't help but think back. Think back to when this journey began, to when your daddy and I found out we were pregnant, and when we told our family, to when we knew you were our baby boy and how we knew your name was Asher. You have been a part of our family since before you were even born. And I couldn't be more grateful for this.
I took an exerpt from my own journal to share with you for your birthday, I wrote it shortly after you were born, nearly a year ago, in the middle of the night shortly after laying your exhausted little body down beside me in bed.
"I have a family of four. I have a husband and two precious boys.
There are times that this fact makes me feel so full and so overwhelmed. Is there enough of me to go around? There has to be…and I will work hard to make sure there is. Now that this family is growing, I know there is still time to find balance but for now my main goal is to love this moment. To hold my baby, to love him and be present for my whole family.
Dishes will get done. Parties will be had. Dates for Jon and I will happen again. I will lose the extra weight. There will be plenty of time to outfit myself and get gussied up……
But for now, my babies are my focus. Welcoming Asher into our family is all that matters. I will blink and his newborness will be gone, so I take as many small glances as I can at him throughout the day and let myself feel him so new in my arms.
Being a parent is tough cookies at times but I refuse to waste my time wishing for something else. Wishing for what at times I think will be easier. Trust me, nothing is easier than loving my kids. Nothing is easier than holding my babies. I promise to keep working hard at living NOW.
I recently came across this quote on Facebook and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it: "You become like the people you interact with. And if your friends are living boring stories, you probably will too."
I look at my children, and I think, Like it or not, they’re becoming like me. Like it or not, they are modeling so much of their own future stories after the one I’m choosing to live every single day. I pray for the courage to teach them in the only way I know how, by inviting them in- by inviting them into a story they’re proud to be a part of. And I hope that together, we can create a life story so much more meaningful than anything any of us could have ever created on our own.
I want to help create a life story for my family that we are proud to have lived."
I want to always invite you into my life, sweet Asher. You have made me enjoy the NOW more than I could have possibly imagined. Thank you for choosing me to be your mommy. This has been a wonderful year.
No comments:
Post a Comment